Asked whether he now regretted his years of smoking and drinking, thought to be the cause of the disease, Douglas replied: “No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.” Douglas, the husband of Catherine Zeta Jones, continued: “I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Scientifically dubious (a sidebar dismisses this as a nice way to diminish the effect of smoking), so this is just a nice way for Douglas to say, “Well, I get to go down on Catherine Zeta-Jones and you don’t.”

That said, it’s not a terrible brag once you’ve survived cancer.

Michael Douglas: oral sex caused my cancer | Film | guardian.co.uk

while grabbing Charmin off the shelf at the grocery store.

R:
I've noticed you like the expensive stuff.

me:
Life's too short for single-ply.

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The Third Shift A vagabond who's made his home in the Pacific Northwest.

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