IPAD: BRINGING A GUN TO THE TEXTING DURING A MOVIE KNIFEFIGHT
As I’ve noted before, nothing brings me more pleasure in life than getting people (particularly young people) thrown out of movie theaters for texting or talking during a film. As I’ve mentioned, people who do these things are human mildew and the only solution for them is to scrape them off of any surfact they attach themselves to. I only wish that we lived in a society where justice still prevailed and far more severe punishments were available than just throwing them out of the theater. The removal of their thumbs would be an excellent place to start.
But if there is a downside to getting people thrown out of movies for texting it is that the process of doing so often causes you yourself to miss a good 10 - 15 minutes of the film. A sacrifice that must be made for the public good, but not a win/win by any means.
Last night however, I came upon a more efficient, if slightly less satisfying way of dealing with this menace. I was watching a movie and when the gentleman next to me started texting. He was not particularly young and looked like he belonged much more in a nightclub than a movie theater. I object to the enormous role the word “douche” now plays in our language, and yet, in this instance, I can find no fitting substitute so I will let the D word stand as an apt description.
Anyhow, the hour was late. The movie was so bad (more about that to come) that most of my will to fight had been bludgeoned out of me. Talking to this cretin to even tell him to knock it off would have taken more than I had to give.
But then I realized I had in my hands a bigger weapon than his pathetic little iPhone. When the iPad was first unveiled, they were mocked as just giant iPhones, but perhaps they were built to be such with this very moment in mind. Not saying a word, I turned my iPad on, opened the browser to a white screen and positioned it on my lap pointed directly at my neighbor’s face and away from mine. Thus, I was able to continue to enjoy (or not) the movie - with the screen pointed away from me - ignoring him while he glared at me in outrage and waved his hands around in protest. Finally as he seemed about to make a stink, it dawned on him that he was not in a position to complain about people having their screens open during the movie. I saw him visibly deflate and put his phone back in his pocket. Without a word, I then turned my iPad off and put it away.
Again, not as satisfying as getting him thrown out or having his thumbs cut off, but very effective and made the point!
I applaud this passive-aggressive approach, because God only knows why you would pay $7.50 (at the very least) to see a movie yet spend time on your phone while doing it.